i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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