Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
