I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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