apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
