I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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