Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
