So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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