then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
