P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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