she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
