Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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