"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sorry my hands just texted you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
