i think my mom watched the whole time
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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