five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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