u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
