apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
