You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Found the puke drawer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
