I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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