dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
tell me about the fingering
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