Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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