I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
