so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
