I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize