I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
