trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
