dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
