Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize