It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
