I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
