Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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