cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
