Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
