my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
