if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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