I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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