Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
