youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
