You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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