I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
