i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
