just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
