he told me I talked like a deaf person
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
