I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
