the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
