My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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