You really coming over, don't trick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
