I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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