well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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