I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
