Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
