You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
