Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
