there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
