also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
