You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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