just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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