My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were trust falling into bushes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
