She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
