This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
