Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize