yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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