I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
