OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
