i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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