There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
