i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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