I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
