He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
