It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
