my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
