I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
