people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
