At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
