I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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