I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
