things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
