Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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