I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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