i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
