I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
